Why I Hate University of Tennessee Football

Having been inspired by EDSBS I have decided to explore why I hate UT. So here are my reasons in no particular order:
1. Pus-gut himself



Thats right Phillip Fulmer I can not stand this man. Watching him on the sidelines makes me sick. The comparisons to Rockne because of the winning percentage was laughable. The second best part of last year was UT sucking and watching him have no clue what to do about it.
2. The color:

Even Cheerleaders and food look ugly in Orange.

The only benefit of this color is it makes Tennessee fans easy to pick out. It's called fan profiling: Know it, Love it.

3. THE FANS

My name is Legion: for we are many. And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country. Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding. And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them.

Legions of them and all of them surround me. In Memphis they are intolerable. Always calling the talk shows to tell everyone how great they are. Amazingly they have been silent about their greatness the past year. Another great thing about them is they are insecure. They can neither make fun of their own team or participate in anything that makes fun of their team. My wife's family are all UT fans and they loved giving me crap about ND being down, but last year none of them wore their orange or wanted to discuss football at all.

4. It's totally irrational.

Damn you and your tasty frozen treats.

All of these other things spring from the fact that I just hate the vols. I can't point to one specific thing that really started it, if they switched coaches, changed colors, and their fans left me a lone, I would still hate them. It's like my hatred for the Ice Cream Man, I will always hate him although really he has done nothing to me

.

More Facial Hair - The Hollywoodian.

The Hollywoodian is probably my favorite facial hair. This is about a month before I finally shaved it to a goatee. I liked having it long, but I have kept it short for a good period of time and it was pretty cool that way too.

I am officially addicted to this

Marcus Vick - Thug

For Nicole

Sorry Bama Fans... too perfect

The Orgeron

I hate fat fulmer.

Ryan Leaf = Easy Target

Seriously a ton of fun.

I can't get enough.

This is great.

Thanks EDSBS I may never get another thing done at work. Try it.

From that Weird Chick

30 Sports Things To Do Before You Turn 30(I've done the bold ones... Probably all I will get to do/see in the next month and a half)
1. See the Kentucky Derby.
2. Catch a foul ball.
3. Hole a shot from the fairway.
4. Attend a NASCAR event - You just need to, trust me.
5. Attend a draft - Preferably the NBA or NFL (the other two major sports aren't nearly as entertaining, and if you attend the WNBA draft, don't tell anyone. Ever).
6. Hit the trifecta.
7. Win a title. In anything. It doesn't matter what.(Soccer: It was rec league but I don't care I was a champion once.)
8-10. Witness three championships in person. However you want to break that down.
11. Bowl above a 200 (in one game).
12. Compete in a triathlon. Marathons take way too much training, and 5K's are too easy. But entering one of the many mini-triathlons that take place over the course of a year is the perfect combination of achievement-without-having-to-completely-alter-your-lifestyle. A reasonably healthy person can, with some basic training, finish a quarter-mile swim, 10-mile bike ride, and 5k run without collapsing at the end like the guy in the Gatorade commercial.
13-15. Witness late game heroics. These are impossible to plan for, so you just have to see enough games to cover your bases here (no pun intended). Put a buzzer-beater in basketball, last-second FG or touchdown in football, and a walk-off home run at the top of your list. A sudden-death goal in hockey is also acceptable.
16. Other baseball abnormalities. Again, nothing you can prepare for, but catching a no-hitter, an unassisted triple play, or a player hitting for the cycle are all worthy feats to aspire to see with your own two eyes.(Does seeing a minor league pitcher hit 3 home runs count?Steve Avery Richmond Braves)
17. Beat Mike Tyson. Not literally, but in video game form.
18. Shoot par at Frisbee golf.
19. Win an NCAA Tournament pool.
20. Correctly predict the Final Four.
21. Win a fantasy league(Twice).
22. Win a Texas Hold 'Em Tournament.
23. Become the best of everyone you know at something.
24. Score a hat trick.
25. See one of the great rivalries in person. Eagles-Cowboys in the NFL, Montreal-Boston in the NHL, Cardinals-Cubs in baseball (trust me, it's more interesting than Yankees-Red Sox), or Duke-UNC in college hoops are some of your standard fare.
26. Gamble on sports in Vegas.
27. See a World Cup, or World Cup Qualifier.
28. Visit the various Halls of Fame. If you make it to the Baseball HOF in Cooperstown, NY, I recommend checking out the Broadcaster's Wing. Everyone inducted has a nice picture of themselves in coat and tie, looking professional, except for Harry Caray, who is pictured shirtless and in mid-yell. I kid you not.
29. Spend a weekend celebrating the holiday of college football.
30. See a fight. Take this to mean anything you want. Boxing is probably the easiest to plan for, but if your luck is good, try to catch a bench-clearing brawl in baseball or basketball. Hockey fights can be great too, but they happen too frequently to qualify here. Bonus points if the fight takes place in a rec league or (even better) charity softball game.(Double Points: A pick up football game, I was involved. Also I have seen much blood spilled on the ice of minor league hockey games.)

from THE ONION

Steve Nash Calls Second Consecutive MVP Award 'Some Kind Of Sick Joke'
May 11, 2006 Issue 42•19PHOENIX—Upon receiving his second straight MVP award on Monday, Phoenix Suns point guard Steve Nash accused the NBA of "being out to make a fool of [him]." "Listen, it was kind of funny the first time. I mean, I can take a joke. My family was quite embarrassed, but that's beside the point," Nash told those gathered at the ceremony. "But this is just getting ridiculous. Look, I get it—I'm short, white, and Canadian. Ha ha, real fuckin' funny. You sick bastards. Did Amare Stoudemire put you up to this?" When asked about the chances of him winning a third MVP award in as many years, Nash emitted a terse laugh while glaring at the reporters and drumming his fingers on the podium.

WHAT?

Papa Smurf. My boss bears a striking resemblance to Papa Smurf. If he was blue it would be dead on. He's short has a white beard and always wears a hat. He smurfs all over himself occasionally too.

I have decided that it doesn't matter how much I hate my job. I have a great family, 2 cars that work, a nice house, my Mom and Dad now live within driving distance, and we are all relatively healthy.

SPEC Man. This is what they call me at work. It is a term of endearment. I know or can quickly access any of the specifications for the jobs we are building or the tests we are running. People I used to work for or used to work with will call me to find out specs.

I hate Memphis. I have lived in Cincinnati, Houston, Richmond Virginia, Indianapolis, and Memphis. Memphis is the worst. I can find something good to say about all of the other cities I have lived in.

I hate my job. If I did my job as poorly as I do it well, I will still get the same raise and would not get fired. I have no chance for advancement and no motivation.

I turn 30 this year. I will be married 10 years this year. My oldest daughter turns 6 this year. I still feel about 24.

Nicole. We already knew you had trouble with your morals... but your Morels also? SHEESH.

My Michelle

Did my parents really let me listen to this?

Your daddy works in porno
Now that mommy's not around
She used to love her heroin
But now she's underground
So you stay out late at night
And you do your coke for free
Drivin' your friends crazy
With your life's insanity

I wish I could play an instrument. I would love to try to do an Appetite for Destruction in bluegrass styling. I can actually almost hear it. It's probably been done, and if it has I would love to hear it.

GNR

I listen to a lot of classic country now, but every once in awhile you have to "rock out with your cock out" as a friend of mine says. The first tape that I ever owned that was truly mine was given to me by my cousin. That tape was Appetite for Destruction. I was 11 and I'm pretty sure it shaped who I am.

Guns N Roses - It's So Easy Lyrics
I see your sister in her
Sunday dress
She's out to please
She pouts her best
She's out to take
No need to try
She's ready to make

It's so easy, easy
When everybody's tryin' to
please me, baby
It's so easy, easy
When everybody's tryin' to
please me

Cars are crashin' every night
I drink n' drive
everything's in sight
I make the fire
But I miss the firefight
I hit the bull's eye every night

It's so easy, easy
When everybody's tryin' to
please me, baby
Yeah it's so easy, easy
When everybody's tryin' to please me
So easy
But nothin' seems to please me
It all fits so right
When I fade into the night
See me hit you
You fall down

I see you standin' there
You think you're so cool
Why don't you just
Fuck off

Ya get nothin' for nothin'
If that's what you do
Turn around bitch I got a use for you
Besides you ain't got nothin' better to do
And I'm bored

It's so easy, easy
When everybody's tryin' to
please me, baby
It's so easy, easy
When everybody's tryin' to please me
So easy
But nothin' seems to please me
It all fits so right
When I fade into the night

So come with me
Don't ask me where cause I don't know
I'll try to please you
I ain't got no money
But it goes to show
It's so easy

The bold lyrics have to be some of the best rock n roll lyrics written. I love this song.